I think sometimes I worry too much about my girls. Maybe it's being adopted and having the feeling of separation always in the back of my mind, or that my girls are the most precious thing I have. Johnny gives me a hard time when I cry seeing sad commercials. All have children in them and they are either starving or very ill. He doesn't understand my tears are of sadness for the parents and for gratitude that our kids are healthy. I think of what it would be like not to have my girls and think what an empty life we'd have. Johnny and I love each other dearly, but without our kids to share our love would be just sad. I love my girls with every fiber in my body and wouldn't trade any struggle or lack of money for any of them.
We have always looked at the sacrifices we made and make now are for the better of our girls. We decided after we had Sakura it was worth changing jobs, taking a pay cut to raise her with one of us at home. It sucked we didn't see much of each other but it was worth it. And after really crunching the numbers why work full time if one of our incomes was just to pay day care? I know not everyone can do what we've done, but I think many don't even think of it as an option. I once was told by a friend the reason why she never called any more was because I wasn't spontaneous any more. I replied, well it may be true now but it was because money was tight and didn't have a babysitter all the time, but still liked a call to feel in the loop. She told me that she and her husband had decided that they wouldn't change their lifestyle just because they had kids. She thought I was giving up too much in the name of having kids. At first I was shocked she said this, then thought why have kids? I did my partying, lots of travel and was happy to slow down to enjoy having kids. I then thought what a selfish couple to never give up a night to spend with your kids because drinking, playing golf, bowling or ice fishing was more important. I understand some was because of the business they were in, but when the grandparents refuse to take the kids any more because of all the time they spent drinking and playing there's something wrong!
I look at our choice as temporary, they won't be dependent on me for long and I wouldn't miss their first step or word for anything. I actually feel a pang already that in just a few more years they all will be in school and I'll be alone for the day. Then baby thoughts creep into my mind, and I rationalize I can still have more, why not? Then reality slaps me up side the head and I think about how great it is not to lease my body out to another baby, and we're almost done with diapers! I wonder what our future holds, what it will be like to have 2 incomes again and what fun we'll have as the girls get older and we can do more together. Life is full of so many uncertainties, yet so many things we are in control of.
I find myself looking for activities for the girls to get involved with that will keep them bust as they all get closer to being teenagers. I wonder what will they want to do? Will we be the parents their friends will want to hang out with or will they sprout their wings early and explore life on their own? Only time will tell, but I plan to have a front row, interactive part in this play of life. I won't miss anything because that's what's important to me. I know everyone has their own path and decisions to make, all I can say is don't miss the little things, because that's what they remember the most. We all remember the big things, but the most fond memories are the quirky little things that as we get older we may not remember, but they do!
Hug your kids as much as they can handle, snuggle, kiss and tickle every day. And for those who don't get to see their kids every day, make the most of the time you do get and remember a phone call, a post card or letter just to say hi, I love you and am proud of you, goes a long way. I leave little notes in my girls lunchboxes or homework folders every now and then just to tell them I love them and I am proud of everything they do. They come home and act embarrassed and ask why? I just say why not? I love you and just wanted to make sure you know. I didn't grow up in a house that I heard those words often, or hugged allot. But did get special times with my mom and dad and the little moments I remember the most, and cherish more than anything now. Enjoy them everyday and find something to remind them daily how truly special each of them are. Because tomorrow is unknown, yesterday has already passed, all we have is today to do our best.
I think sometimes I worry too much about my girls. Maybe it's being adopted and having the feeling of separation always in the back of my mind, or that my girls are the most precious thing I have. Johnny gives me a hard time when I cry seeing sad commercials. All have children in them and they are either starving or very ill. He doesn't understand my tears are of sadness for the parents and for gratitude that our kids are healthy. I think of what it would be like not to have my girls and think what an empty life we'd have. Johnny and I love each other dearly, but without our kids to share our love would be just sad. I love my girls with every fiber in my body and wouldn't trade any struggle or lack of money for any of them.
We have always looked at the sacrifices we made and make now are for the better of our girls. We decided after we had Sakura it was worth changing jobs, taking a pay cut to raise her with one of us at home. It sucked we didn't see much of each other but it was worth it. And after really crunching the numbers why work full time if one of our incomes was just to pay day care? I know not everyone can do what we've done, but I think many don't even think of it as an option. I once was told by a friend the reason why she never called any more was because I wasn't spontaneous any more. I replied, well it may be true now but it was because money was tight and didn't have a babysitter all the time, but still liked a call to feel in the loop. She told me that she and her husband had decided that they wouldn't change their lifestyle just because they had kids. She thought I was giving up too much in the name of having kids. At first I was shocked she said this, then thought why have kids? I did my partying, lots of travel and was happy to slow down to enjoy having kids. I then thought what a selfish couple to never give up a night to spend with your kids because drinking, playing golf, bowling or ice fishing was more important. I understand some was because of the business they were in, but when the grandparents refuse to take the kids any more because of all the time they spent drinking and playing there's something wrong!
I look at our choice as temporary, they won't be dependent on me for long and I wouldn't miss their first step or word for anything. I actually feel a pang already that in just a few more years they all will be in school and I'll be alone for the day. Then baby thoughts creep into my mind, and I rationalize I can still have more, why not? Then reality slaps me up side the head and I think about how great it is not to lease my body out to another baby, and we're almost done with diapers! I wonder what our future holds, what it will be like to have 2 incomes again and what fun we'll have as the girls get older and we can do more together. Life is full of so many uncertainties, yet so many things we are in control of.
I find myself looking for activities for the girls to get involved with that will keep them bust as they all get closer to being teenagers. I wonder what will they want to do? Will we be the parents their friends will want to hang out with or will they sprout their wings early and explore life on their own? Only time will tell, but I plan to have a front row, interactive part in this play of life. I won't miss anything because that's what's important to me. I know everyone has their own path and decisions to make, all I can say is don't miss the little things, because that's what they remember the most. We all remember the big things, but the most fond memories are the quirky little things that as we get older we may not remember, but they do!
Hug your kids as much as they can handle, snuggle, kiss and tickle every day. And for those who don't get to see their kids every day, make the most of the time you do get and remember a phone call, a post card or letter just to say hi, I love you and am proud of you, goes a long way. I leave little notes in my girls lunchboxes or homework folders every now and then just to tell them I love them and I am proud of everything they do. They come home and act embarrassed and ask why? I just say why not? I love you and just wanted to make sure you know. I didn't grow up in a house that I heard those words often, or hugged allot. But did get special times with my mom and dad and the little moments I remember the most, and cherish more than anything now. Enjoy them everyday and find something to remind them daily how truly special each of them are. Because tomorrow is unknown, yesterday has already passed, all we have is today to do our best.
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