Government is going too far

So I haven't been posting much just because life is crazy for a mother of 5! But I had to get on and post because of all the crap floating around about health care for everyone. For some reason everyone thinks it will turn us into a socialist society? Well I hate to be the bearer of bad new we sure aren't a democratic society either! We lost the spirit of what America stands for a long time ago. Too many people were glamoured into money and more money and would do anything to get it. HMO's are the fat cats holding all the cards and get to charge more money than most could afford to have basic coverage, and we let them do it! Our government who is suppose to be watching out for our best interest but it's greed before our better cause. It kills me that all the skeptics cry out that it would never work in the USA and that it sucks where ever they have coverage for all it's citizens. Well all systems have down falls and some bad stories, but if over half the WORLD can do it why can't we? Oh wait because our government officials are out to make money for themselves and their friends who give them tons of money to pass laws that benefit them and screw the little man. That's the difference!
I'm sorry but it's pretty sad that for my husband to get help for some major health problems, he has to quit his job, or get fired because of his condition and go on disability to get any coverage. And he might not even get accepted because with simple surgery it could be corrected so they may not let him on. WTF!? I can't get coverage because we make too much, well we make 700 too much to get any help. We are in a society that doesn't care, and the ones that do are too scared or too tired to fight any more. Our government needs to be dismantled and reconstructed to be modern and have limits for everyone running. Guess who we'd get to be representing our interest if all officials had only 2,000 to run their election? No more big corporations funding their puppets to pass bogus laws and loopholes that benefit companies and individuals who should be paying more for their taxes. We would see people who truly want to make a difference and could even with limits of 3 terms. And no more all for me attitude, maybe governors who really want to better education and want our states to prosper.
 Maybe a government that realizes a medicinal drug had more benefits for thousands and could help our farmers do better than break even, free up thousands of jail cells for real criminal like sex offenders and murders, not your local pot dealer. And have people running government offices that don't push mutant food and growing habits that are causing more illness and cancers and go back to real food grown without chemicals and growth hormones, and let the public be able to see where their food comes from, all the way back to it's source. You worry about zombie Apocalypse, well it's going to be that and Demolition Man all in one. We have to take back our country and take back it's position as a respectable country that really is a place people want to live. Because right now, it's a place that no one wants to live in, and the people who do live there can't afford to move because it's government screwed them. And for those who want to point fingers, don't. This situation was caused by both sides and was fueled and let to fester by us. We all have taken a blind eye and would rather point blame than fix this problem. We need to take back what is ours, no more "sit ins" or doing nothing, we need to vote for those who want to do better, want to tax correctly and aren't puppets for big corporations. And sad to say, there is no one currently that fits the bill. As a country we need to vote no confidence in our government and re-build what our country should be. That's my simple thinking, but maybe more need to be more simple and honest than complicated and lie.

Being a Mother

I take the job of being a mom very serious. And it saddens my heart when I hear or see so many mothers who just don't care or abuse their beautiful gift of a child. There are so many people who can't have a child who want one so bad. Then you have the opposite those who have too many and blame their children for their troubles. I never understand why an innocent child can be blamed for an adults poor decisions? Or even a young mother who gets pregnant, she may be young but decided to be an adult and then made poor choices. It's not the beautiful innocent gift you created in any means fault. And if you can't or don't want the responsibility give it up or you should have never had it. There are many choices out there to help, it's a matter of stepping up and asking for help. I understand there are many who grew up in crappy dysfunctional homes, but holy crap, we all came from some type of dysfunction! And what would bring an individual to actually beat a small child is beyond my comprehension. I don't believe or give into the excuse they were just too stressed out and didn't know what they were doing. What the hell? I have 5 children under 10 and have never under any "stressful" situation beat the crap out of any of them. I may yell or swear, but know how to de-escalate the situation and if I do yell, apologize if I was in the wrong. The worst is the mother who gives their child to family to raise then skips back in to their lives after the hard work and foundation is laid. And pretend they are such a great mom! They think "oh I am such a good mom" I had my kid for 8 weeks out of the entire year, paid no support because the father should and it was my family taking care of the kid. Exposed them to many different partners, abuse and drugs, but I'm a good mom. No I was not there to hug them when they were sad or scared, when they were sick or just be there when really needed. Yes I said horrible crappy things to them, made a child feel as if they ruined my life and made them fear for my life every time they came to visit. Because of my abusive soon to be ex. But now that they are a teenager I am the best friend they have! I let them have sex at my house, do drugs and drink because it's better to do it with me than away with others. Yes, I screwed them up and did no favors for their self worth. Treated then poorly when I got mad for something they said or didn't do. This is the mom who should never share the name mother with me. Do I sound a bit angry or a bit irritated? Yes, I had to deal with someone very close to this. And it kills me this "mother" feels she is qualified to give parental advise, along with pregnancy advise too. I laugh at the fact she didn't take care of herself when she was pregnant 21+ years ago, and did nothing but complain the entire time of how horrible it all was and would never do it again. Well thank god for small miracles she didn't have more! I'm not an expert but I do think I know what it's like and can hopefully give some sound advise since I think 3 years for my last pregnancy is a bit closer than 21 years. Just saying, and yes I was the one who helped sooth the hurtful things she said and did to a wonderful gift of a child. I do think we revoked her membership in the mom club some time ago. I stood my ground and have kept being a mom even when it got me "un-friend ed" on Face Book. But did get back and again tried to give advise on crappy boy friends but still supported when a bad choice was made. I hope the good choices my first child (not by birth) makes are made with the advise I gave all along. Now that I am going to be a grandmother I hope I can help with what ever they need and hopefully get them closer and out of the dysfunctional atmosphere they are in now. My lovely child who's having a baby has no idea how much my distaste and real hatred for her birth mother goes. Being a good mom, I never let my children know if I really don't like someone or my real opinion. For may reasons, like kids repeat what you say, that's a big one. Others are I don't want to tarnish my kids view of me, to think their mom who likes everyone and tells them to go out of their way to make that bully their friend would hate anyone. I also want them to make their decisions on what they observe and see. I know that will change as they get older but hopefully I have taught them to choose their close friends wisely and to have more than one. So am I a hypocrite? Well maybe, but I have reasons why I don't like this one person. An excuse yes, but I can take it and am willing to live with it. So where has this whole vent gone? Being a mother, and what that means. To me it is the number one most important job in the world, even more than the president. We have hours beyond any job with overtime, and get paid squat. We have more stress to handle and multi-tasking than any job out there and still get no respect for doing a difficult job let along get much praise for doing a good job. No raises, heck no pay! Get discriminated for taking time out of the "real" job force to raise healthy well adjusted hard working kids with some morals and compassion. Don't get real respect and thankfulness from our kids till they're adults, but worth the wait. The most rewarding job to have, that no bonus could ever match the hug, kiss, snuggle and love you get from your child. I actually am sad we have planned to not have any more children. I love being a mom and take my job very serious. I am willing to put my wants and wishes on the back burner to put my children first. I know in a few years I can have a job and play derby and do more, I can wait. I don't want to miss a thing and know I am one richest people in the world. My currency is 5 beautiful girls who will grow up to be anything they want to be. Tough, pretty, caring, loving, tolerant,smart, kick ass kind of girls! Who hopefully will visit their mom often and love me for putting them first.  "Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children". One of the best quotes from The Crow. Another I love is from Enough "You have a divine animal right to protect your own life and the life of your offspring. To all the good Mothers out there, Way to go and don't give up you have many to help support you!

When to say no

When is it right to just say no?
Family is wonderful and most will do anything they can to be with them and oblige them. But when does appeasing family end and not going to every occasion not become a guilt trip? Even with elderly parents you just can't put your self short, just so they don't get upset. Case in point, my niece is having her wedding reception this summer, and is sound wonderful. As an Aunt who took care of her, I want to be there for her and our family. But it costs allot of money to make the trip back home with 5 children, not to mention the rising gas prices. Flying is just too much and leaves us stranded with no vehicle unless we rent one, more $$. Driving is the best option, but don't want to put that many miles on our truck so renting is the way to go. More money, plus gas which could reach close to $5 a gallon by this summer. So we have to drop about a grand just to get there and back, that's not food, hotels, money for entertainment or anything. And if Johnny did come he would be missing work that wouldn't be covered. So the question goes, "do we send a really nice gift or do I just fly and do a quick weekend or do we go for broke?"
Ask Johnny, he'd say we send a gift since other than my mother NO ONE has came down to visit us here. His mother came down twice during the Las Cruces time, but has not came to Taos even when the babies were born. He'll also point out the fact we came up when the twins were 6 months and if he hadn't tattooed about 20 people we would have never made it back to New Mexico. He doesn't feel obligated to go. I can understand his point of view. Also he'll say we could take 2 really fun vacations with the girls  down here and find some new spots we have never been to, and won't put ourselves in debt or worry we won't be able to cover our bills. Oh by the way only one of us works right now, so income is tight.
Myself, I am torn and have the guilt of disappointing family if we don't come. I always feel pressure to still do what makes my mother happy even if I don't want to do it! I worry what other relatives will say or think which is pretty dumb since I would love to tell half of them to go fuck a tree! I also want to see some friends and hit some places I miss in Minneapolis. So I am a bit selfish on wanting to go. But I do know it is a huge stretch of our budget and we'll have to really scrimp to make it work kind of. Plus like Johnny, I am a bit pissed that NO ONE has even made an effort to visit us here in beautiful Taos. Makes me feel a bit unappreciated and not wanted. Oh we want to see you, but you have to truck 2200 miles across the USA with 5 kids, and we know you're not working right now so you don't really have the money to do it, but you have to come up here.
So what's a girl to do? I could ask for certain family members to pitch in, but why should I ask? Shouldn't they offer knowing this is a BIG undertaking and financially not easy? I want to go, but not at the loss income or our living conditions. On top of it all we are moving just weeks before this wedding and won't even have the house unpacked, then expected to drop it all and go for broke. I think I have made my mind up, but why am I afraid to tell my mother and brother? I hate to upset my mom, and well my brother I just don't want to hear his tone! I shouldn't be afraid, hell I'm 43 and a mother of 5, but feel like I'm 16 when it comes to standing up and doing what I want to do. WTF?!!! I guess I worry, what if I miss the last time to see my mother, and what if this upsets her so bad she gets sick? I mean she's 83 and frail and misses the girls so much, I would hate to hurt her feelings. But I know I can't let that cloud common sense and what is best for my family. Oh shit I hate these things, but I know what I have to do.
Hope my girls don't go through this about me when I'm that old. Even though you ask the girls now, they want to live with mommy and daddy forever and cry to think they would have to leave us. I tell them, "oh just wait till your a teenager, you'll want to leave and not be with us ever again!" hahaha Hopefully not, but I think we all go through that phase. I just don't want them to make decisions based on what mom or dad want and not what they want. Good or bad they need to make those choices and mistakes without guilt. I really don't want them to carry this kind of guilt and willingness to just do what mom says to keep the peace. I want them to say,NO I am going to do it my way and you may not like it, but can support it or be lonely without me around for a while. I would cry, and then be happy my girls can make their own path and know mom and dad support them with what ever they do.
Gotta pull the big girl panties up and just do it! Wish me luck I'm going to need it! Unless you find that big bag of money we lost or want to lend me a car that seats 6 and gets good gas mileage. Or just give me a bunch of money to go! hahaha just kidding but it would be cool! Looking for that rainbow to make a wish come true or the silver lining to make doing the right thing not so painful. Growing up and doing the right thing SUCKS!!

What defines a family?

Very interesting subject just came up. I feel like I'm on the fence with this one, because I agree with both sides. What defines a family and your "children?"
As a single person I defined my little family as myself and my best friend and baby "Sirius" my beautiful Rottie. She loved me unconditional and had her own personality and funny things she did. She was the best partners I ever had and got me through some rough times. After I got married and had my girls, they became my babies but my faithful  sweet dog never stopped being my baby either. Our family dynamic didn't get complicated, it just got bigger. The argument arose from a comment that dogs are not children.
I understand both sides, since I have been on both sides. What was surprising was how animate both sides got and how it quickly escalated to slinging not so nice slurs.Yes,dogs are not children, THANK GOD! But do have some similar characteristics children do. And dogs give just as much affection and the same feeling of love we get from children. Dogs give the same sense of companionship and need for us like children, but can't verbalize back to us. Many people have dogs and cats to fill their need to nurture and share their love. Not just single people or  childless couples but the elderly or people who's children may have passed. Those dogs and cats benefit those people in so many ways, not just a pet in their home or lives. I think to say they are not babies or children may be a bit harsh.
I have had dogs my whole life, they have been my best friends and companions. Our Neapolitan Aurora was a rescue dog from a really bad situation. It took almost 2 years to get her to trust us and know we will never leave her or abuse her, she is a part of our family. She is so sweet and gentle with our girls, especially the twins. Who when they came home she would guard them and stay very close. She also is my second shadow, follows me EVERYWHERE! I love that she never wants to leave my side, but to whine outside of the bathroom door is little much. But she shows love and affection to our family, and the girls don't think of her as an animal, they see her as a part of our family, just with a hair problem.
The difference is dogs don't need us in ways children do, and won't put us through hell and back.
Many people who have dogs and cats instead of children have very couple type life style. I personally think some people with just animals who say they "chose" not to have kids are also self centered  and are not willing to give up their current life style to have children who demand all of our time. This isn't bad, in fact there are people out there who have kids who should have just stuck to having dogs or cats. Many people don't want to give up anything they have worked for or finally achieved for anyone, children included. More power to you! But please don't refer to myself or others who do have children as "breeders", or that we are "over populating". It's just like someone with tattoos, don't criticize those who have them, if you don't like them, DON'T GET THEM!".
Same concept, if you don't have kids, great but don't feel the need to sling demeaning slurs about those who do. I do understand childless couples do come under allot of pressure to justify why they didn't have kids and that really is wrong. We don't know the situation behind their decision and as a society we shouldn't  feel we have the right to question anyone decision other than our own. I think allot of the heated comebacks are from the feeling of not being excepted or normal. But at some point we need to get over it and say, fuck it! It doesn't matter what others think I am happy with my life and why I have chosen not to have children.
Now in defense of fellow parents of the non-furry kind, we also shouldn't feel we have to justify why we had one or five children. And to be blamed for over populating is just wrong and crazy. Sometimes I think people say those things because, deep inside they do want kids or can't and lash out. I really hate when people make comments about the number of children I have. We are responsible parents who love our kids and make sure they are happy and well adjusted children. And chose to have that many, I would never call my children "accidents". They are happy polite loving girls who except all and don't have a mean bone in them. If we could we'd have a few more, if we could afford it. But at this point we are happy with our girls and how many we have. And couldn't imagine life without any of them. We chose to have a big family, if people don't agree with 5, then don't have 5 but don't impose your opinion or view on my family. And not to get political, we are PRO-CHOICE, we don't expect our choice to be placed on anyone else.
 Children are allot of work and not for the faint at heart. They get sick,they throw tantrums they are ungrateful, also loving and compassionate beyond their ages. You have to put your life on hold to put their lives first. This isn't something all parents do that have kids, and I feel sorry for them and their children. As a parent you have to make sacrifices for your children in very different ways from an animal. It sucks sometimes, but if you know it's for the best it only suck when you think about it! I played roller derby for a short while, but had to put it on the back burner because I was needed more at home for my girls. This was a big sacrifice because I LOVE derby. It was the one thing I could do, I was good at and had more fun than most will ever know. I get upset some times thinking of skating, but I know in a short time I can go back and play derby again. And my girls will be big enough to start skating too. How kick ass is that? A family of derby girl all ages.
But back to the argument, both sides are valid in their points and what needs to be done, is respect each others choices without throwing around slurs that hurt each other. Agree to disagree, something everyone could do in this world. So I say to both, you have  lovely babies who are blonde haired and blue eyes, pink skin or furry. You both have made decisions that benefit your self and your family and there's nothing wrong with either. In fact you should feel proud of your choices and that's all that should matter. So lets start a new chapter in our lives and try instead of criticizing others or expecting to tell someone how they should live their lives, lets embrace differences and try some restraint if we can't say anything nice. Like my mom always told me, "If you can't say anything nice or complementing, don't say anything at all ". Gotta love what mom says!

Parents getting older

I dread getting a late night phone call from back home, because it means something has happened. Or get a call from my mothers phone and it's someone else telling me, she's okay, but.... My mother is 83 years old and doing pretty well on her own, well that's what she and I guess my brother think.
Reality is a bit different. She is 83 and is being taken advantage of and bled dry every month by extended family and a free loading renter. She use to have a third leech or parasite but that was finally sent away to get some real help. Living on a railroad pension and getting supposed rent from 2 other units, she still doesn't have enough money to feed herself , get her teeth fixed when needed or just  have money in general. But there's no problem with what's going on.
Do I sound a bit pissed off or just plain had enough, you're right and I can't seem to find any logic to why this situation hasn't been fixed years ago. My brother who I love dearly, just seems to drag this out and thinks if he throws some money in the general direction things will be okay.
 I wanted to put her name on a list to get her in a senior housing unit. I gave him the information to go, and just said put her name on the list, it could take up to a year so we have time to get this in order. A year later I hear oh I should see the facility again and put her name down. WTF?!!!! Really? It took her almost dying to get power of attorney and other paperwork done, and even then he couldn't do that when it was needed. Waited till after she had surgery because he didn't want to upset her. Really?! He'd rather risk the state taking everything?  I just don't get it.
I call my mother a few times a week, to make sure she's okay and if she needs anything, but being thousands of miles away it's tough to really know. Not having a person there to check daily is rough. She has a niece who lives off her in the upper apartment, but doesn't have the best judgment on when help is really needed. And taking her to grocery shop for better food isn't dollar store stuff. And doesn't even realize it's because all my mothers money has gone to keep her and the tweeker renter fed and cash in their pockets and a car to drive.
So now here we are again, she in the hospital because she's not taking care of herself and eating properly. She could afford to have a service bring her meals daily, but all her money goes to everyone than herself. So once again, I will tell my brother to get this shit taken care of. And I'll get a, "I will look into this or I can take care of it", and then nothing.
We just got news a larger house with a a 4th bedroom is going to be ours in a few months. Room enough for us and hopefully grandma. This time around I am going to push for changes to be made quicker, or I 'll be flying up there to pack her up and take her back down here. There won't be any opportunity to drag this out any more!
Why is change so hard? I know it's scary and the first step is tough, but when you know it's the best for a loved one why would you hesitate at all? Why is the only child who isn't even blood the only one who is willing to care for her unconditionally? Life is not black and white, it's full of subtle grays and empty space that requires one to be willing to see it all for what it is. There is always more than one solution and we should know when to step up and make hard choices.
Maybe not making the hard decisions is a way of not facing age and the future we all face, death. Our parents grow old and we have to step up and fill their shoes, scary thought but reality. We can't just take a blind eye to the realization our parents don't live forever. It's our duty to make sure as they grow old and are safe and taken care of weather by us or someone else. To let a parent be taken advantage of is just as bad as to let them be abused.,especially when we know something can be done to stop it. We need to make sure the last year or 10 years are the best for them. Make them feel like they do have a purpose and meaning in our lives, even if it's just sitting down with our children and telling them stories, it all has purpose. And as they get older, I think that's something they lose and feel they are more of a burden. I want my mother to feel happy and wanted, and I know I can give it to her, even if it's for a short while. My daughters will remember that time and cherish it for a life time, and I will know I did everything I possibly could to make her happy and safe.
Why is that such a hard task to accomplish? How else can I reach him to see we need to do this all for her before it's too late. And not end up, saying I wish we would have done this sooner. Time will tell, but I hope it won't be too late.

Mothers worry

I think sometimes I worry too much about my girls. Maybe it's being adopted and having the feeling of separation always in the back of my mind, or that my girls are the most precious thing I have. Johnny gives me a hard time when I cry seeing sad commercials.  All have children in them and they are either starving or very ill. He doesn't understand my tears are of sadness for the parents and for gratitude that our kids are healthy. I think of what it would be like not to have my girls and think what an empty life we'd have. Johnny and I love each other dearly, but without our kids to share our love would be just sad. I love my girls with every fiber in my body and wouldn't trade any struggle or lack of money for any of them.
We have always looked at the sacrifices we made and make now are for the better of our girls. We decided after we had Sakura it was worth changing jobs, taking a pay cut to raise her with one of us at home. It sucked we didn't see much of each other but it was worth it. And after really crunching the numbers why work full time if one of our incomes was just to pay day care? I know not everyone can do what we've done, but I think many don't even think of it as an option. I once was told by a friend the reason why she never called any more was because I wasn't  spontaneous any more. I replied, well it may be true now but it was because money was tight and didn't have a babysitter all the time, but still liked a call to feel in the loop. She told me that she and her husband had decided that they wouldn't change their lifestyle just because they had kids. She thought I was giving up too much in the name of having kids.  At first I was shocked she said this, then thought why have kids? I did my partying, lots of travel and was happy to slow down to enjoy having kids. I then thought what a selfish couple to never give up a night to spend with your kids because drinking, playing golf, bowling or ice fishing was more important. I understand some was because of the business they were in, but when the grandparents refuse to take the kids any more because of all the time they spent drinking and playing there's something wrong!
 I look at our choice as temporary, they won't be dependent on me for long and  I wouldn't miss their first step or word for anything. I actually feel a pang already  that in just a few more years they all will be in school and I'll be alone for the day. Then baby thoughts creep into my mind, and I rationalize I can still have more, why not? Then reality slaps me up side the head and I think about how great it is not to lease my body out to another baby, and we're almost done with diapers! I wonder what our future holds, what it will be like to have 2 incomes again and what fun we'll have as the girls get older and we can do more together. Life is full of so many uncertainties, yet so many things we are in control of.
 I find myself looking for activities for the girls to get involved with that will keep them bust as they all get closer to being teenagers. I wonder what will they want to do? Will we be the parents their friends will want to hang out with or will they sprout their wings early and explore life on their own? Only time will tell, but I plan to have a front row, interactive part in this play of life. I won't miss anything because that's what's important to me. I know everyone has their own path and decisions to make, all I can say is don't miss the little things, because that's what they remember the most. We all remember the big things, but the most fond memories are the quirky little things that as we get older we may not remember, but they do!
 Hug your kids as much as they can handle, snuggle, kiss and tickle every day. And for those who don't get to see their kids every day, make the most of the time you do get and remember a phone call, a post card or letter just to say hi, I love you and am proud of you, goes a long way. I leave little notes in my girls lunchboxes or homework folders every now and then just to tell them I love them and  I am proud of everything they do. They come home and act embarrassed and ask why? I just say why not? I love you and just wanted to make sure you know. I didn't grow up in a house that I heard those words often, or hugged allot. But did get special times with my mom and dad and the little moments I remember the most, and cherish more than anything now. Enjoy them everyday and find something to remind them daily how truly special each of them are. Because tomorrow is unknown, yesterday has already passed, all we have is today to do our best.

What are legitimate things we wish people would understand about our kids and what are just excesses because we don't want to deal with our kids?

So here's the list, it was taken by Redbook magazine. It was titled, What are the 11 Things Parents Wish Other People Knew About Their Kids?
‎#1.) "Sometimes my kids are loud and obnoxious and it's not because I'm a bad parent."
#2.) "Boys are naturally curious and don't always sit still with their hands in their laps."
#3.) "Just because my house is messy doesn't mean I don't clean."
#4.) "If I had my way I wouldn't bring my kids to the store with me. But I can't afford a babysitter."
#5.) "Children don't come out of molds. They are very individual and have their own quirks that don't always follow 'the rules' in the parenting books."
#6.) "Raising cats and dogs is not the same as raising a child."
#7.) "I value my child's naptime. We'll come to your event, but if we don't work it around the nap, my kids won't be all happy and smiling."
#8.) "I understand that you're getting annoyed. Please have patience while I learn to be a parent and while my kids learn to be people."
#9.) "Children are not miniature adults. They won't react to things the same way a rational adult would."
#10.) "Babies cry and toddlers throw fits. They are not good or bad because of that, it just makes them a child."

#11.) "Please get over simply crying and whining at Target, the grocery store, and restaurants. I can't teach my kids to behave in those places if I never take them there"

 I have a problem with almost every one. I can understand what these parents are saying but they all just seem a bit off point. I try to let my kids be themselves, but they also know poor behavior has consequences and good behavior has rewards. So out in public doesn't mean act like a complete dick and get away with it because what can Mom and Dad do in public to me? They all have tried it, and all found out what happens. We don't give many chances to get their act together, a quick talk and a count of ten happens if you're lucky twice, then it's out the door we leave. Straight home and to their room they go, no prize or treat. Follow through with that a few times and watch how quick they can get themselves together. Even small toddlers know what they are doing and 
understand, no toy or candy if they kick off in the store. And the restaurant isn't any different, maybe even less opportunity to redeem their behavior. We both work in the business so we know how precious that treat of dinning out is for many. I feel for those who have kids and long for a nice pasta dinner or steak made by someone else, no dishes to do, a nice cold beverage and maybe a decadent dessert. I know all too well that longing, hell I have 5 kids I know! 

What kills me, are fellow parents who have no respect for other diners who may not have kids, have kids who are behaving or got lucky and had someone watch their kids. Instead these parents have a possessed,screaming, green vomit projecting monster. They are so desperate to eat out they forfeit any common sense that they might really be ruining the dining experience of the other people around them. Get up, pack the kid up, get the food to go and leave. It sucks, but if you let your child get away with this behavior you will never dine out again in peace for the next 10 years. A side note, who said it was okay to bring infants and very small children to a fine dining restaurant?! LEAVE THEM AT HOME OR DON'T GO OUT. Sorry but it's the cold hard facts, you can pump before you leave, your child will be fine a few hours away from you, and your kid will not forget who you are. Really it's okay, and if you can't afford to pay a sitter then boohoo you don't go out. We've gone without for a years, haven't even go out on our anniversary. But we have called our favorite place and ordered take away, it wasn't exactly the same, but the kids were all sleeping and we shared that moment together. Good food, no kids and a movie, who cares if it was in our home and the kids were just a room away. We found a way to still have nice food and didn't ruin anyone else's dinner.

 So the list is okay, but I feel many use it as an excuse for not stepping up. Yes it's embarrassing when your kids throw a fit, but really who cares what others think! You keep shopping or leave and try tomorrow. No one ever died because they had noodles and juice for dinner. Don't sweat it, roll with it and be creative, next time make shopping a safari and anyone in red must be shot and ate. No one has a clue why your kids are shooting them and laughing because they can't run up and eat you. It's fun and keeps your kids from exploding and you from killing yourself..

As for the idea they're not little adults, it's not totally true. My ten year old acts like she's thirty-five many times! I feel many people don't give children enough credit. They are smart and do understand what we tell them. Maybe not all the words but they do get the general idea. I have never talked to my girls like a baby, I never understood why would you start them off talking dumb? Our kids are sponges and pick up and hear everything. So we need to make sure we teach them early what is expected in different situations, let them know that bad or poor actions lead to consequences and good actions get rewarded in the way of, we'll do it again or go there again. Simple but if you follow through with what you say, they will know and thank you some day when they are older. I know I've called my mom many times to thank her, hehehe.

And just because a parent swears doesn't make them  bad, for me it's a stress release so I can then deal much better in any kind of situations.I never swear directly at my kids ever. And they do know not to swear in front of Grandma! 
 The last one that rubs me really the wrong way is about boys, and their nature isn't to sit with their hands in their lap? WTF?!!!  The only time I sat still with my hand in my lap was at etiquette camp when I was 8. And even then I had a hard time. Let me tell you it's in no child's nature, not just boys. But good manners do help kids, just don't go over the top with them. I'll find the list I did like of manners most children should know by 10, so you have some time to teach them all. Kids are kids and we all teach them what we feel is important. My rule that everyone should know is be respectful.Treat everyone like you want to be treated. The next time you see a parent struggle with an unruly child instead of giving a disproving stare or comment go and help them. With a little tact and some humor you can make a mom or dads day by just lending a helping hand.. On our way home to visit family we stopped for dinner. Even though Johnny and I thought our kids were too busy and a bit loud, a nice couple bought our entire dinner because they thought our girls were very well behaved!  Thank you to that couple, it was just a nice thing to do. I hope one day I can pass that deed on.
Hope you all get something from this, and know it's all a journey of life.We can make it fun and fulfilling or a downward spiral of regret and negative choices. We all can help those around us even if it's just your hand for a little support.

Every day there's something

What do you mean I need to clean?!!!!

Had a pretty good weekend, until Sunday. My two oldest who share a room had a disaster zone for a bedroom. Lucky I didn't see it Saturday, or they would have done nothing all weekend. So I turned into monster mom and howled all day to get their crap picked up. Felt bad for Katana, she ended up not being able to go out for a birthday party, but lesson learned I hope. Sakura on the other had was in full "tweener" mode and had an attitude all day. Ugh! I would have loved to keep her from going out, but she got lucky and went out Saturday, the day before I uncovered her mess. But she was warned the next outing she's invited to, is a no go. Are we being too hard? Johnny and I think we're too soft. I remember when I was her age, I couldn't do anything unless mine was clean, and Johnny had it worse the entire house had to be cleaned daily. And if I EVER talked to my parents the way Sakura did to us, I would have gotten my butt spanked or a slap. So how do we find a middle ground? I could careless if their beds aren't made or a "few" items left out, but clothes need to be hung or put away. Why is this so hard to grasp or is such a chore to do? It's not like we just started this rule, it's been taught and told to them since they were old enough to know. They pick up at friends homes, why not their own? When I had friends over I wanted to have my room clean, and looking cool. They on the other hand, could care less if their underwear is lying around and trash is on the floor and the room looks like a pig sty! When did this become the norm? I feel like an old lady when I ask why they don't want their room to look nice? I guess we need to find new tactics, but what? We've done the door off the hinges, take everything away except their beds, rewards for keeping it clean, goals to get new stuff. Nothing seems to interest them, and it's not like they have a ton of new or cool stuff in  their room already. I am really at a loss. But we keep moving forward, they do know from here out, the room must be clean before they go to school and before they go to bed, so we'll see how long this lasts. I guess the only punishment I know they hate, is pooper scooping. So it will be pick up 10 piles of poop if it's not clean, or I'll take away any clothing I find on the floor, not put away, or hung. So I will be patience and see what pans out. But man was it a crappy Sunday, having them mad at me for making them clean,seeking out the hidden piles, and making them clean more. I was so ready for Monday, and that's pathetic. I know it's going to get worse, but hopefully not too bad. Because the house of hormones is creeping up fast! I think, I'll give Johnny the duty of room patrol and leave the headache to him. We can play good cop, bad cop, hehehehe. Get your mind out of the gutter!

A mothers guilt

Why is it so hard to take a few hours just for myself? I actually feel guilty when I go for a coffee and linger for a little while. Or get my hair cut and buy a book just to read for sheer pleasure. Well today I said EFF it, I'm going to take some time just for me with no end result. Dropped the girls off, found a little salon that took me right away. Got my hair finally cut, so I don't have to cringe every morning looking in the mirror at the institutional hair cut I gave myself. And maybe I won't ware a hat every day, now maybe every other day. Then took off to the plaza, got a large tea, and used my gift certificate I got for my birthday and bought myself a new book. Though it is a sewing book, it had too many cute patterns to pass up, and it looks fun! I did feel a little guilty texting Johnny I wasn't going to be home for a bit, but shook it off and enjoyed a wonderful morning. This was a turning point for myself, deciding  take some time just for me, I really do deserve it. Now that the twins are older, Miyoko goes to a pre-K program 3 hours daily, Sakura and Katana are in school all day. The big change is, Johnny is now home till 2pm regularly, so I can take off and be an adult for a little bit. The rest of my day is so slam packed, not a lot of time to even think, it's was really nice to just chill and not worry if I have to pick someone up or drop them off. Most days I really think I'm on auto pilot and wonder what the hell have I done all day? I was so happy, then got a little depressed, thinking this would be great to meet up with Amy a few times a month and hang out, even if it's just thirty minutes. Then remembered we live 2200 miles apart now. I do have a few friends here in town, but miss my long time partner in crime. Why is it so hard to make adult women friends I don't want to strangle or barf on because they are way too full of themselves? So a late, but well needed resolution for 2012, take time off and take better care of myself. Sounds simple enough but will be a struggle, but I am always up for a challenge. Maybe next week I'll meet up with a friend for coffee and pretend we're so wealthy this is the only thing we have to do daily. Hahaha I don't think I could that for long, and sounds a bit childish. But I have never admitted to acting like an adult much. I'll end with the best line my nephew said to me, "You're an adult? You can't be you're too short to be one!" Love that kid!

Blaaa

Even in the ER, she has a smile!

What a crappy day. Came down with this horrible cold. My head is so stuffed I can actually feel the Taos vibration! It's my own fault, after being a nervous wreck over Johnny and his internal stomach and intestinal problems and just not taking care of myself, I'm sick. It is so true, that not just your body well being, but your emotional well being can get depleted when we worry about so many issues. It makes things even harder when you don't have medical insurance to just go and see the Dr. when you do feel sick. At this point, it's endure until you have to go to the ER. Why is or when did profit over health get so out of control?! Any ways, suffering through a lousy day, but as many know, mom's don't get sick days or even ones off. I don't complain much, but oh an entire day of just sleep and rest without any interruptions would be HEAVEN!!! Maybe some day, though I'd rather spend that one day at the spa and not in bed sick, so I'll wait. Hope you all are healthy and having a better day than me. Tomorrow will be better and life goes on.

Student Loans still haunt me!!!

 So about a month ago I got a horrible phone call. I was told I still owe over ten thousand in student loans. I FREAKED out!! Then grew enough composure to tell the gentleman on the other end he is very much mistaken. I paid off the last of my  loans a few years ago. He said they would look into it and if I had any paperwork on them to have them ready. I don't claim to be the smartest, but after looking into the firm that held my loans in question I found out they were dirty, over charged, levied accounts they shouldn't have and were very dishonest! No wonder the state loan service didn't want to admit they used that firm to collect. Now I kept pretty good files and zipped what I had to the new collection agency, but did tell them I am teetering on consulting a lawyer. I can't believe what I did pay and it looks like nothing  was applied to the actual loan. So now what should I do? Because they are telling me I pretty much owe the entire loan amount right now. Can interest be that much? WTF!!???  I may owe a little but all of it again? Guess we'll see initially where this goes, I hope my Karma bank if full and some Irish luck is in my horse shoe. Why does education have to cost so much? So glad I went to college so I can apply it to being a mother, hahahaha. Hope your day goes better than mine!

How to save time and sanity, at least for a week

Getting ready to do one of the most hellish tasks I have to do weekly. Grocery shop!!!! Sorry, I am not an extreme couponer so I can't teach you how to hoard more than you need, just for bragging rites that you have enough worthless shampoo and deodorant for the next Apocalypse! But I do have a few tips to make it less painful and maybe cut those extra trips out for you. I try to plan a weeks worth of dinners, and try to utilize the local ad's from our grocery stores, ( Taos is very small so we only have 4, a co-op, a bargain type save, a higher end and your typical everyday store.) Unlike bigger cities that have a ton of grocery stores to choose from and Sunday flyer's with a ton of coupons to save, I have to be a bit savvy and make a few more stops but in the long run  I save almost 40%. I hate being on a tight schedule so I plan my weeks menu to be flexible and able to redesign a dinner on a moments notice. I FREAK out if things get too planned, so I have learned a few tips to stay on track. So I leave a generous interpretation for dinners. Also, as my girls are get older they have homework some nights that could choke a cow, time to make dinner is cut in 1/2. So unless everyone eats at 9pm we have quick changes that  keep everyone from becoming a puddle and too far past sanity to matter.
      So, where am I going? Plan out easy meals you can do ahead of time, give yourself the leeway to make a dinner that may not be the pyramid of healthy eating, but everyone ate, are full and you didn't strangle you kids in the process. My freezer sucks! It's the size of a shoe box so I can't make and freeze a few dinners ahead, it holds my proteins, ice and a few veggies for my upcoming week. And now that we got a new 6 quart ice cream maker my space is even smaller, but DAM homemade ice cream is worth it! Fresh veggies are great, but plan to use them with how they hold up and use frozen veggies for later in the week. Unless you want to add extra trips to pick up fresh all week. I love salads because you can make it different every time and if you buy whole romaine it will keep for the week. Make food your kids will eat, and don't become a short order cook. I am sorry but butter noodles are not a staple for any child. Don't give in, I hate it when I hear parents cry about how their kid wouldn't eat dinner, threw a fit so they caved and made them what they wanted. I did fall into that category, 3 kids ago but snapped out of that quick. Make your dinner, give it to them and if they don't eat, "Oh well". They won't starve for one night, they don't get treats that night and they eat a big breakfast the next day.
   I love my cookbooks and the internet for fun easy recipes, other friends and parents have great ones to share also. I think if I get enough followers I will work in a spot to share good food to make and other tips to share.
    I also try not to repeat the same menu every week or month. There are a few main stays that do repeat a few times a month but we don't like the same food all the time. We try to have a movie night or family night every week if all work out. So the girls get to decide what to have and make, when they cook there are no leftovers and we are teaching them some good skills.
    I stock up on the basics, it also helps with what you have to pick up on the weekly grocery trip.You can adjust your list to reflect what you eat more of, that's a sanity saver. So once a month I stock my pantry with all the basics I use. It has saved me in a few binds when an emergency happens that taps my grocery budget. I will post later on, the basic list to use, you can tweak it to your style but it will be so tight you could feed a family of 7 on $40 bucks til payday. Really I have done it with $40 and 12 days til payday, and it wasn't Ramen for dinner once!
   I hope this helps and one more sanity saver, if you can time it, go shopping without the kids. When we go it's the extra side show to watch at the grocery store, everyone holding on to the cart and all 5 asking for everything that's not on my list at the same time. WARNING: stray from your list and blow you budget twice as fast. If you can buy the store brand, you can save 25% by just doing that.
     And last, have fun even if it means a stop at the coffee shop and splurge on your favorite drink, then you have a good beverage( don't go buzzed you will buy everything that isn't on your list and your family will wonder why the pantry is stocked with chocolate, wine, beer and gourmet chips, and wonder who is going to eat an entire wheel of aged Gouda!) and hopefully in a good mood and you're not hungry. Even though I would love a grocery store I could get a pint of Scrumpy Jack and shop for an hour in sheer bliss!  But then I may go shopping a few times a week and in the morning! hahahaha Now off to hell I go and back, Thanks Johnny for watching the girls while I go.

Maybe somethings I shouldn't do in front of the twins

Maybe I should bite my toe nails in another room. The twins will do almost anything they see me do! Gotta love being flexible, even at 43! At least I don't pick my nose enough for them to see! Gotta love those babies

Time????

I always think that I have time enough to do everything in one day. But always fall short. Lately it's worse because Johnny has been sick and at home for the past week. So even the usual things like a few loads of laundry and a few loads of dishes seem to multiply when he's home. I know I spend a little more time on taking care of him, but WTF?!!!! I keep saying I need to get a part time job to earn some extra cash, but where or who would hire me? I take the girls to school, so couldn't start till 9am, pick Yokie up at 11:45, Johnny usually leaves for work by 2pm and I pick the girls up at 3pm, and then from there it's usually a blur. Who has a job that fits that?!!! And I am actually trying to figure back to playing roller derby so that's practice at least three times a week. I need to clone another me to do the driving or the cleaning or maybe both?! But could the world handle another me? Heck there may be another one of me and I don't know it being adopted and all. But that's another story :)  For now I need an extra hour or two added in somewhere between noon and 6pm. Until then I guess it's load of laundry not done and dishes in the sink, because after 8pm I get my pint of hard cider and vegetate, and then at 8:05 back to work! hahahaha Have a great day, don't sweat the small stuff, and the big stuff too! It will all be there tomorrow smiling waiting for you!

New Beginning

So this is my first time doing something like this, so hang in there with me and I hope to get better! I would like to just talk about being a mom of multiples and having three additional children and having  all girls. Maybe some tips and just an inside view to my crazy life. I promise to be real and let it all hang out, and maybe figure out a thing or two. I won't be fake, because those who know me, know I am me no matter what!